


Undeserving

by Rizupicor



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Climbing Class, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Instability, Post-Canon, Protective!Chris
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4711304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizupicor/pseuds/Rizupicor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When everyone manages to make it off of the mountain, how will Josh cope with the new horrific images burned into his memory, and the new found fear of losing his best friend? And how will Chris handle it all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Chris's decisions stray from what Josh expects of him?
> 
> (This Chapter will contain game spoilers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I am in Josh/Chris hell and apparently cannot get out of it. Also because while the butterfly effect can vastly change a lot of things, Chris going to rescue Josh is a constant :^) 
> 
> Side note: I haven't written a fic in like....10+ years so this is probs gonna be terrible I apologize I just needed to get this out of my system lmao.

Josh didn't get it.

He had worked so damn hard on this beautifully played out prank, it had been a resounding success, a masterpiece. All of his timed scares and perfectly placed clues had gone off without a hitch. Plus the video footage he got of it all was everything he could have asked for and more. He got his well deserved revenge, while at the same time giving them all the chance to become internet famous, hell maybe even famous in general. They should be thanking him, really. Yet here he sat, tied up in one of the supply shed's not far from the main cabin, a large bruise forming on his right cheek and a stab wound near his left shoulder.  


Being tied up and left alone like this though, it gave Josh time to think. Given just how scrambled his brain was already on a daily basis off his meds, after tonight's events his thoughts should have been all over the place. Yet he found himself interestingly focusing in on one thing that had been eating away at him all night.

Chris.

More specifically, Chris's decisions throughout his brilliant game. The whole point of the prank had been, for the most part, to give the others a sweet taste of revenge for what they had done. But, given that Chris had gotten into a drinking contest with him before the prank had even gone off, Josh had known that Chris's involvement in it was small, if he was even involved at all. While he partially just loved to best Chris at pranking in general, he also had taken this opportunity to help his best friend out. He deliberately set up this game so that Chris would always be seen as the star, the leading actor, the brave hero. He made every choice one that had to be made by Chris, choices that would make Chris shine in all the right ways and make Ashley realize just how perfect he is. Then finally, finally, after so long maybe one of them would make a goddamn move.

But Chris didn't do things according to plan.

Of course Chris wasn't in on Josh's plan, but Josh knew Chris better than anyone. He knew without a doubt how he would act in those scenario's. All those times they acted out movies and Chris wanted to play hero, how Chris was a sucker for horror movie clichés and loved the 'guy putting his girl before himself' trope. He literally handed the perfect scenes on a silver platter for Chris to enjoy. Yet, Josh was proven wrong, as Chris had done the exact opposite of what he'd assumed of him.

First there was the sawblade 'choose who lives' game which was the set up Josh was most proud of pulling off in a believable way. Chris was forced to choose who lived and who died, a very classic scenario seen in many horror movies which Josh knew always got Chris excited to see who they would choose. Chris loved to point out that when a love interest was involved, they would always get picked, and he was usually right about that. So Josh was certain that he would choose Ashley to live. Of course, there must have been some part of his sub conscious that said 'what if...' thus making him rig the game to always choose him regardless of which way Chris pulled the lever. Yet Josh heard Chris say those words.

_'God Ash....I'm sorry....'_

It had been so surprising that Josh nearly broke character, eyes going wide and mouth falling open as he inhaled sharply, confusion making his head go foggy. Thankfully the shock on his face was easily played off as fear of the situation, so they were none the wiser. He was dumbfounded for a brief moment, almost forgetting that he had to put on a show. But thankfully he had come back to reality in time to react appropriately when the sawblade still moved toward him, sawing his fake body in half. Why had Chris chosen him? Of course the were best friends, he had known Josh much longer then Ashley. But what kind of guy throws away his dream girl for a friend? Especially a friend like him? Someone who can't hold himself together without his medication, someone who has mostly been acting cold ever since the incident with his sisters, someone who just isn't worth the time of day. Because Josh was worthless, in his mind he couldn't do anything right, always the disappointment.

The second set up had been with the gun that shot blanks, placing Chris in another situation of choice. Both him and Ashley were tied down to chairs, but Chris was the one with the ability to take the gun and choose to end his life, Ashley's life, or let them both die. Chris always wanting to be the hero, Josh figured he would end up pointing the gun at himself, and later when it was revealed that it was all just a prank, Ashley would swoon over how self-sacrificing he was. Josh had been so confident he didn't even watch the scene unfold, getting caught up in his thoughts of the best way to reveal himself at the end of it. Until he heard Ashley cry out.

_'No!'_

He focused his attention again, seeing Chris pointing the gun at Ashley, looking so uncertain , breathing heavy and body shaking. Ok so, maybe most people would selfishly save themselves, hell Josh probably would. But Chris wasn't like that, it wasn't like him at all. But Chris never ended up firing the gun, instead he threw it back onto the table in frustration, deciding not to shoot either of them and ultimately looking weak and indecisive.

Why? Why had Chris gone and made such perplexing decisions? Why had he gone against everything Josh knew him to be? This was not how you got yourself laid and now Josh was going to be in for more never-ending flirting and constant goo-goo eyes. He felt sick just thinking about it, and this irritating itch arose on the back of his neck. He thought that if he finally got Chris into the 'bone zone' that he would hopefully move on from Ashley and realize it was all just a stupid infatuation. Ashley wasn't right for Chris, she wasn't good enough, Josh could see that clear as day. But given how long it had been going on Josh figured that Chris couldn't see it yet and maybe if he finally banged her, he would.

It was also selfish of Josh, to be pushing at Chris so hard to go for it. Because ultimately, Josh didn't want Ashley around because he didn't like how much of Chris's time she was occupying. Sure, Josh hadn't been around as much with all of the therapy he had to go to, and sometimes his meds made him hole up in his room and never answer any calls. But that didn't give Ashley the right to step in and occupy all of Chris's time when he wasn't around. It didn't sit right with Josh. Ashley hated scary movies, she couldn't take a joke, and he often heard her nagging Chris about how often he used his phone. They were clearly incompatible, but maybe Chris was so thirsty he couldn't even see it himself.

But if Chris was so desperate to be with Ashley, why had he chosen Josh the first time? That meant that he cared more about having Josh around then getting himself laid. Despite all the time he spent with Ashley lately, Josh had still been more important to him. It made him feel warm in a way he didn't fully understand. Like in a world that was constantly crumbling around him, with no one left to lean on, no one who cared for him, somehow Chris still was ever-present. Like a light in the dark of Josh's warped reality, even if Josh didn't believe it, it didn't stop Chris from being by his side.

But that would eventually change.

Chris would come to see how broken and despicable he really was. Just as he saw his true colours today and left him tied up in the cold, alone. He would do so to him ultimately in the near future. But Josh couldn't blame him, if Chris deserved company better than Ashley he certainly deserved company better than Josh. Even if tonight was the last night he got to communicate with Chris, he was happy that he could hold with him the memory of Chris choosing his life on this night. So happy and caught up in thoughts of his best friend, that he swore he could hear his voice saying his name.

"Josh!"

The voice rang through his ears and rattled him back into focus, suddenly seeing Chris knelt down in front of him, breathing heavy and face full of concern. His clothing was soaked with what looked to be fresh blood, the hands that were currently against his face were ice cold, and his eyes looked wild and full of fear, darting back and forth quickly as if searching Josh's face. How long had he been there? Why was he here now? What had happened to him? So many questions flooded Josh's mind, his eyes trying to follow Chris's own rapid movement. Despite all the things he wanted to say, he just couldn't help himself as he gave Chris a wide, dopey grin.

"Awwww, you miss me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just setting up what I want this story to be really. A 'what if' scenario where u can actually get to Josh on time and he doesn't become a Wendigo because fuck that :)))))))
> 
> I plan for the next chapter to take place sometime after the group gets off the mountain.


	2. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a month since they got themselves off the mountain. How are Chris and Josh handling things?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing something involving mental instability and medications and while I have looked up a lot of things I may still have inaccurately portrayed some things I apologize. Feel free to point out anything that should be changed!
> 
> Thanks to my bestie Krys for the Beta <3333

_'We've been told that you are closest to Josh...do you feel that his actions at the cabin were...dangerous?'_

~

It's been nearly a month since they managed to get themselves off of the mountain, away from the horrors that they experienced first hand, something they would never be able to forget. The first week had been completely draining, kept under strict surveillance and being questioned over every small detail, only to have the police attempt to twist and place words in their mouths. Of course no one believed them, how could they? But it got tiring fast when they constantly tried to pin the blame on one of them, get them to give up due to exhaustion just so they could throw one of them in jail and feel like they put the case to rest. Thankfully they all managed to form a pact, refusing to throw anyone under the bus after the hell they had gone through. They all were let go eventually to finally have the proper time to rest and recover.

Well, everyone except Josh.

Chris had done his best to convince the group not to go into details on what Josh had done. They had protested heavily at first, but Chris didn't think it was fair to let Josh be thrown into some psych ward just because he'd gone off his meds and made mistakes. Of course, Chris was probably being far too easy on Josh, but eventually the group agreed, but still insisted that Josh really needed to properly seek help. Of course it wasn't hard for the police to notice Josh's unstable and anxious behavior when they took him in for questioning. Which is why Josh was currently sitting at home with a large ankle bracelet decorating his right leg, the calendar on his wall having several therapy appointment's scribbled across it. He was to be monitored until the police were sure he wasn't a threat to anyone, and he also needed to attend any and all appointments set up with his new therapist. Things could have been a lot worse, but Josh's family had a lot of money and that had helped him also. Of course Chris was glad that Josh hadn't been locked away, but Josh on the other hand...

"God, I didn't think Dr. Dickbag would ever let me out of that hellhole today." Josh was currently sitting on the edge of his bed, aggressively tapping the buttons of his PS4 controller as he focused on kicking Chris' ass in Mortal Kombat. "He asks me the same things over and over again just so he can cash in on a juicy paycheck."

"You know, he probably wouldn't keep asking them if you actually answered the- shit!" he cursed as he gripped his controller tight before letting out a sigh and leaning his head back against the computer chair.

"Maybe next time I'll tell him how much you suck at this game," Josh said with a chuckle, holding a hand over his heart as he faked sympathy, "and how it really affects me emotionally."

"Dude, shut up," he said as he bent over to shove Josh playfully, though he chuckled softly.

To anyone outside their situation, it would look like things were back to normal between them, but honestly this was just a good day for Josh. His medication dosage had been lowered, which helped prevent him from having the extreme effects he used to have in the past, but it still messed with him on occasion. Some days he would be quiet and anti social, to the point Chris would need to show up unannounced due to Josh never answering his phone. Some days he'd get angry and lash out . And sometimes he'd get incredibly anxious and even break down crying. There was a common factor that tied in with Josh's mood swings, and that was Chris' presence. Days where Chris couldn't spend time with Josh, Josh's mood usually deteriorated the next time Chris saw him. 

But really, who could blame Josh for clinging onto their friendship, since Chris was really the only person Josh had left. In all honesty, most of the group had dissolved and split up, not liking the memories that came up when they were around each other. But Sam still came by on occasion to check in on Josh, even if it was clear she still felt uncomfortable around him and was probably mostly doing so out of guilt. Ashley had tried at the start, but she felt too betrayed, too angry whenever she was in the same room with him. She still asked Chris for updates on how he was doing, but even their relationship wasn't doing too good. Chris had all but forgotten his crush on Ashley, he really had only tried to pursue it since Josh had been so persistent in the first place. Because of this there always seemed to be this awkward atmosphere around them, especially when Chris still wasn't over how Ashley had almost left them for dead.

~

_'Come on Ash, open up! Please! We're going to die out here!'_

_Ashley's hands curled into fists at her side, as her mind went back to how Chris had aimed the gun at her, almost shooting her but ultimately tossing the gun on the table. Her eyes then shifted to Josh, gritting her teeth._

_'I'm not letting him in here Chris! He could kill us all!'_

_'Ash, please!' Chris' heart was beating out of his chest, as he glanced back and heard a rustling in the woods, the Wendigo clearly not far off_

_'Ash.....I'm so sorry I....I didn't mean it please..." Josh rambled out with shaky breaths, looking torn with his arms wrapped tightly around himself._

_There was no way to know if Josh was being sincere, or if he was just scared out of his mind that he would say anything to get inside, but thankfully at the last moment Ashley let them both in. Chris quickly slammed the door shut behind them, locking it before stumbling backwards onto his ass, breathing ragged._

_'Fuck....remind me to never get on your bad side....' Chris attempted to joke with a shaky breath, slowly pushing himself up off the floor._

_Ashley let out a huff of breath before she walked off, deep down glad they were okay but too angry and terrified to express it._

_'Man, now you're never getting into the bone zone,' Josh breathed out, before breaking out into a unstable laughter._

~

"You ready to get your ass whooped again Christopher?" Josh said with a cheeky grin, already scrolling through the character select.

"Ah, as much as I'd love to prove you wrong and give you a taste of my true video game prowess, I've got to get going. Dinners on me tonight back home."

There was that small flicker of an unreadable expression that Chris often saw whenever he needed to go. It always tugged at his own heart strings a bit whenever he noticed it, feeling guilty for leaving Josh. He knew he shouldn't, he knew he already gave more then enough of his time to Josh and practically spoiled him, yet it still hurt to think that he could be suffering whenever Chris wasn't around.

"Man, whats your family done to you to deserve such cruel punishment?" Josh chuckled, the brief saddened expression now replaced by a mocking one.

"Hey, I make a delicious chicken noodle soup. Sure, it comes in a can, but it counts," Chris said flashing a smile as he grabbed his hoodie, pulling it on and zipping it up. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah," Josh said, waving his hand absentmindedly in the air, "not like I'm going anywhere. Later, bro," Josh placed two fingers to his forehead and shot them off in a salute towards Chris' direction.

Chris mimicked the motion in return, as he headed towards his bedroom door to leave. As he approached it he was met with a familiar sight, the jacket he had been wearing on that night hanging on the back of Josh's door, now mostly cleaned of all the blood stains but just present as a constant reminder. At first it had made him uneasy, wondering why Josh kept it around even though it was torn and dirtied and only served to bring up memories of that night. But then one night Josh had vaguely explained it to him.

~

_'Man, you can just throw that thing out. I appreciate you going through the effort of getting it cleaned, but I don't want it back.'_

_'I wanted to keep it...'_

_'Why?'_

_'Chris.....that night you saved my ass more times than I could keep track. You chose me over Ashley, you came to get me in that shed, you gave your jacket to me so I wouldn't freeze, then you told the cops a bunch of bullshit so that my ass wouldn't land in jail. You were there for me even when I didn't deserve it...It means so much to me bro...'_

_For a moment Chris thought that Josh was finally opening himself up to him, saying something that wasn't laced with jokes or low blows. He felt touched, though maybe it was a bit weird, he hadn't known he had such a strong impact on Josh that night. Chris had always been fond of Josh, ever since they met. He looked up to him, and while he could be off putting at times, Josh was really the only person who understood how Chris enjoyed to spend his time, how he socialized. Sure from time to time he liked to push Chris out of his comfort zone, but really he needed that every now and then. So for Chris it had been just second nature to do those things for Josh, he wouldn't have done it any other way given the choice._

_'But wow man, you're such a dumbass,' Josh chucked, and Chris could only roll his eyes as he should have known it was too good to be true. 'You gave up probably your only shot in your entire lifetime to get laid. So now I keep that jacket as a reminder that you stayed a virgin for my sake.'_

_Josh was practically grinning from ear to ear. So pleased with himself._

_'Yeah...rub it in. But you know I don't think you'll be seeing much action with your decorative ankle jewelry either, bro,' Chris jabbed back in response._

_Josh glanced down to his ankle bracelet, and shrugged his shoulders slightly 'Guess we're stuck with each other then, huh. As the saying goes, bros before hoes.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to do my best not to make light of Josh's problems. Yes, Chris seems to be very forgiving so far, but it's cause it's in his nature (at least for me). He's overly spoiling Josh, and he knows it, but he also is too afraid to push and get Josh to really open up for him, to talk about the important issues that should be addressed. He's very concerned about his mental state, to the point where he'd rather act normal in front of Josh to try and give him a sense of safe reality. In future chapters I'm going to, hopefully properly, break Josh down and get him and Chris to have an honest and open talk and for Chris to push the boundaries, but for right now I'm trying to convey that Chris has created a safe space for Josh, which might just be hindering his healing.


	3. Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh has a rough night and decides to call Chris, but will Chris be able to calm him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh, the agony I went through trying to write this chapter, it pained me. BTW if you wanna see me blog about my suffering as I write or just see my terrible Climbing Class posts in general, my tumblr is http://rizupicor.tumblr.com/
> 
> Edit: And thank you SO much for all the support and comments so far, it means a lot. I'm always super anxious when I write a new chapter since I'm so noob at this. You're all amazing :) 
> 
> Thanks again to the lovely Krys for being my Beta <3

_Long nails dragged down against the old wood the shed was built from, the sound of footsteps thumping rapidly across the roof. A strange, uneven breathing mixed with the occasional shriek echoed through the air, the Wendigo was clearly circling in on him. But the chains that bound him were too tight, no matter how hard he struggled and fought to break free, he couldn't leave their confines. It was absolutely freezing out, and yet he was sweating heavily, head getting dizzy and feeling like he couldn't breathe. As he looked towards the doorway of the shed, everyone suddenly appeared. Mike, Jess, Sam, Matt, Emily, Ashley, Chris...they all stood there, watching him helplessly fight a battle he couldn't win._

_'Guys.....Guys please....'_

_They didn't respond, his heart rate picking up as he swallowed nervously, eyes darting around the room when he heard the Wendigo clatter above some more. Then suddenly, someone stepped forward, Chris._

_'Chris, buddy....you'll get me out of this...right?...'_

_He gave a nervous chuckle, but Chris didn't respond, merely reached out in front of himself until a lever appeared. He gripped it tightly, eyes never breaking contact with his own. That’s when his lips finally parted._

_'Goodbye Josh.'_

_The lever was pulled, and suddenly the roof collapsed in, and he looked up just in time to see the Wendigo, his sister, screeching as it lunged at his face._

~

Josh shot up in his bed in a cold sweat, eyes wide as he clutched at the sheets below him. He looked around the room quickly, trying to verify that he was safe and it was only a dream. He felt light headed, vision suddenly getting fuzzy as he groaned softly. It wasn't the first nightmare he'd had, and he knew it wouldn't be the last. It was normal for him to see the Wendigo, visions of his sisters having haunted him since they first went missing. Now they had just warped, evolved, into what he couldn't unsee, the horrid visions of Hannah as the Wendigo. But lately, Chris had been becoming more and more the focus of these nightmares, always leaving Josh in a state of despair by the end of them. In all honesty, at this point, Josh wasn't sure what he feared more. The relentless haunting of his sisters, or Chris giving up on him entirely and leaving him all alone.

Of course, in reality, Chris never acted like he would up and leave him. He was always around, sometimes even just inviting himself over. Josh rarely ever asked him anymore, it was just like an unspoken everyday thing between them. If Chris couldn't hang out then that was when he said something, usually ending things off with an, 'I'll make it up to you.’ But when exactly did Josh become so dependent on Chris' presence to feel....secure? In the past, Chris was just his best friend, someone he had a fun time hanging around with. If he went off to hang out with other people or spend his time on something else, Josh thought nothing of it. But now, now it was like a day without Chris was a day without sunshine. Everything felt gloomy and muddled together, and Josh felt himself lose the energy and desire to do anything with himself on those days.

Why had Chris done those things on the mountain? It would have been easier if he had just cast him aside like everyone else, maybe then he wouldn't be having these attachment issues.Chris was probably only staying with him out of guilt anyway, always being too scared to tell others how he truly felt. Josh wasn't one to talk though, as now he was also too scared to ask Chris how he truly felt. He just wanted things to stay in the perfect balance they were in now, him and Chris acting like the good ol' days, never bringing up what happened or discussing how they felt currently. It wasn't healthy, not at all, but it worked for them and it was safe.

Josh reached for his phone in the dark, clicking the power button to look at his lock screen, a faint smile ghosting across his lips. His phone background was of him and Chris, wearing really tacky Halloween masks and doing a ridiculous pose together. It was such a childish image, he should feel embarrassed, but it only brought him a feeling of warmth. Josh had been genuinely happy then, which felt like it was so long ago. Everyday now was a constant struggle to act his best in hopes that Chris wouldn't see him struggling, if he was happy then Chris was happy.

He let his finger press against the screen and slid it across in a swift motion despite the fact his hand was still shaking. He clicked on his messages and let his finger hover over Chris' name. He wanted desperately to call him, as if to reassure himself that Chris was still around and still willing to talk with him. But it was also three in the morning and Chris must definitely be sleeping by now. Yet before he could even fully realize his actions, he had opened Chris' profile and clicked the little phone icon, dialing his number.

' _Josh?...._ ' Chris' voice came in soft on the other end, followed by a small yawn as he clearly sounded exhausted.

"Hey, Chris...I....I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you so late. Hope I didn't interrupt your porn session or something," Josh gave a soft, breathy chuckle, hoping to mask the uneasiness in his voice .

' _Is something wrong?..._ ' Chris asked him in such a gentle tone, as if he were afraid of the territory he was traversing into, like he might be over stepping his boundaries.

"No...Yes....I don't know..." Josh inhaled slowly, before letting it out in another small chuckle, thinking he was acting ridiculous. "I was just....I mean I was wondering..."

' _Josh,_ ' Chris said, tone serious as the concern could be heard through the phone line. ' _If you need to talk, about anything, I'm here. What is it?_ '

Josh hated just how soothing Chris' voice could be, like everything could be fine as long as Chris assured him it would be.

"You're here....yes....here..." Josh mumbled incoherently, smiling to himself as he leaned back in his bed. "Needed to make sure you were here...that you weren't leaving..."

' _Josh...what are you talking about? Leaving?_ ' Chris asked in confusion, most of Josh's words being so quiet that Chris couldn't always catch what he was saying.

"No!" Josh suddenly shouted out harshly, as if he were startled. "You can't leave Chris, I won't-" he trailed off, suddenly swallowing hard "I don't want you to leave..." His voice was more vulnerable now, his shaky breathing filling the silence on the line.

Chris never had Josh say these things to him before, and he wasn't sure what had brought on this sudden fear he must be going through. Was Josh this scared of losing him? Chris frowned, feeling like he was responsible for whatever Josh was going through.

' _Hey....I'm not leaving, I promise. I'm not going anywhere. It's always been you and me bro, yeah? Nothings gonna change that now,_ ' Chris let Josh process those words for a moment, before adding, ' _If you need me to come over there, I will._ '

Josh smiled at that, his eyes fluttering closed as he let out a small sigh of relief. Chris' words were so sincere, even if he was being a total pain in the ass right now, Chris would still be there for him if he needed it.

"No... No it's alright. Thanks. I...I just was having a rough night," Josh explained lamely, still not comfortable going into detail. "Why are you even up right now, dude?"

' _Well, was having trouble sleeping so I just stopped fighting it and decided to use my computer for awhile. Then I got caught up in my blog._ '

"Of course you did. I should have known you'd be up at ungodly hours of the night to look at meme's," Josh shook his head, though he felt at ease knowing Chris was still the same as ever.

' _What can I say, I'm a connoisseur of fine art,_ ' Chris joked. ' _Hey man, are you sure you'll be alright tonight?_ ' he asked again for clarification, knowing deep down Josh was never truly fine, but he wasn't going to pry if Josh didn't want him too.

"Bro, when am I ever alright?" Josh said with a joking tone, because he knew it was the truth. "But yes, I'll be alright. I won't go out and murder half the town so chill."

After he said those words Josh knew that he must have made Chris feel guilty by the silence on the other end. A part of Josh did worry that Chris saw him like that, like some sort of ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. Because that's how everyone else saw him. All his old friends, the police, his therapist, even his parents probably thought it too.

' _You know that I don't..._ ' Chris let out a sigh of frustration on the other end, ' _I don't think you're going to harm anyone Josh, it's not that. But I-_ '

"I should really head to bed," Josh quickly cut him off, an unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach at where Chris could be going with those words. "Night, bro"

' _Jos-_ '

Josh quickly pressed his thumb to the phone to end the call, tossing his phone to the end of his bed in frustration. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling his knees up to his chest as he hung his head down. A shiver ran down his spine as faint voices started to force their way into his head.

' _You're a coward!_ '

Chris' voice pierced through him like a sharp knife, still remembering when he had said that to him on the mountain. It was true after all, he never confronted anything head on and instead always hid behind some sort of wall.

' _You're insane!_ '

Another sharp pain coursed through his body as his fingers started to dig into his scalp, tears beginning to form in Josh's eyes. His body started to rock slowly, as he murmured soft protests and apologies under his breath.

' _You know, one day, Chris is gonna get tired of you._ '

This time, it was Beth's voice. When she had said those words long ago in the past, it had been a simple joke. But now, in Josh's mind, they sounded mocking and twisted. Something within him snapped, and he suddenly shot up and off of his bed.

"SHUT UP!"

Josh screamed out in anger, as if the mocking voices were in the room with him. He began a fit of rage, shoving the contents of his desk onto the floor to start. He then moved on to tear the calendar off his wall, ripping it up furiously, the therapy appointments now illegible as he tossed the shreds of paper to the floor. Everything started to become a blur, tossing his clothes about, ripping down posters, pulling out cabinet drawers and emptying them. Josh had lost his grip on reality, unaware of his actions now and just blindly grabbing for whatever was in reach.

That is, until Josh's hands pressed up against the cool fabric hanging on his door, fingers curling into the familiar feeling. His breathing slowing slightly, body starting to calm as he carefully pulled the jacket down off of the hook. He hugged the fabric to his chest briefly, eyes fluttering shut as images of the past rushed through him. He could practically feel Chris' hands pulling the jacket on for him, as his own body mimic'd it in the present, pulling on each sleeve before slowly zipping it up. His legs, trembling, slowly backed up until they hit the edge of his bed, Josh slowly sinking down onto the floor. He pulled the hood up and over his head, practically covering his entire face as he did so since Chris was larger then he was. His arms wrapped around his knees tightly, still not fully returned to reality but in a calmer mind space then before.The Chris he had been hallucinating earlier returned, but this time to place a gentle hand upon his shoulder, smiling down at him.

' _I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, alright?_ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for any sadness I may have caused, trust me I'm right there with you all. 
> 
> Next chapter will probably have a confrontation finally tho so....OH BOY STRAP IN FOR MORE PAIN.


	4. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris discovers the disarray of Josh's room and finally decides to press for information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> Ok now that I got that out. This chapter was hell for me because it's a LOT of dialogue and a lot of feels being thrown around and I wanted to make everything as believable as possible. I re-wrote it around 20 times and this is the one I was satisfied with so....I hope it's good enough!! /)//////(\

Chris stood in the doorway of Josh's room, mouth hanging open slightly as he looked at the aftermath of Josh's episode last night. Chris hadn't known about what he'd done, but it was clear now that something had happened between their time spent together the other day, and now. He knew something was wrong when Josh didn't show up for class, especially when he texted him about coming over and Josh had shot him down. Josh never actually told him no, usually he just avoided answering if he was in a bad mood. Perhaps Chris should have listened and just gone home for the day, but after their conversation last night, or lack of one, he was worried.

He still had a chance to back out, Josh currently in the shower and unaware that he was actually here. But he didn't want too, if this had anything to do with him he knew now that he needed to find out. He took a few steps inside, being careful not to step on anything, which was rather difficult since almost everything in Josh's room was on the floor. He noticed Josh's phone at the end of his bed, reaching over to pick it up and seeing a large crack across the screen. Had he thrown it after hanging up on him? Chris felt an uneasy guilt slowly building inside himself, knowing now that he should have addressed Josh's problems earlier. He kept acting like everything was fine to protect him, but it was obvious that it wasn't working.

"Why the hell are you here?"

Chris inhaled sharply before turning around, Josh standing in the door way with an irritated expression. The bags under his eyes were heavy, indicating that he probably hadn't slept at all last night. Chris just stood there at a loss for words, mouth opening slightly before he closed it again, Josh cutting him off before he had the chance to speak.

"I told you not to come over today, you forget how to read or something? Get out."

Josh was walking towards him, suddenly grabbing at the collar of his shirt and dragging him towards the door. Chris finally snapped out of his stupor and grabbed Josh's hand, tugging it off of his shirt and holding him in place.

“Josh, we need to talk. What the hell happened last night, man?"

Josh kept his gaze forward, not looking back at Chris as his fist tightened. With quick reflexes he suddenly yanked his arm free from Chris' grasp and turned around to shove him against the wall, grabbing the front of his sweater and keeping him pinned there. Josh's breathing was heavy as he stared up at Chris with a wild look in his eyes. His fingers curled tighter and tighter into the fabric of his sweater. But, despite Josh's clear attempts to hide it, Chris noticed the pain in his expression.

"Why did you come here? What, were you worried about me? Afraid that I'd gone and done something horrible?" Josh's tone was mocking.

"Well...yeah. Of course I was worried! After what happened last night and then that text you sent me, what the hell was I supposed to think?"

"Shut up!"

Suddenly, Chris felt a hard blow to his left cheek, his glasses getting knocked off in the process as he winced in pain, Josh having punched him. He slowly lifted his head back up, face already starting to swell slightly as he looked back at Josh. He was acting out, hoping that if he got angry enough Chris would just give up on trying to get answers out of him and leave. He was trying so hard to push Chris away, but unfortunately for him Chris was probably the hardest person in the world to offend.

“Do you feel better now? You might have just ruined my potential career in male modelling, but did you at least get it out of your system?”

“Why don’t you ever get angry?! You never complain about the shit I put you through. You’re always here, so persistent! I don’t need you to take care of me, so why don’t you just fuck off like everyone else did? If you think keeping on good terms with me will save you from my eventual breakdown hurricane of horror, I wouldn’t bet on it!”

The hands that were once curled tightly into Chris’ sweater were now trembling, their grip loosened as Josh’s eyes started to well up with tears.

“I don’t want your kindness because you feel pity for me....I don’t need you to be my hero, Chris. Because I know that one day....one day you’ll leave me....everyone leaves me. I hate waiting for that day to come, so just give up on me already. I don’t deserve this....I don’t deserve you.”

Chris suddenly pulled Josh into a gentle embrace, one hand wrapped around his waist and the other resting gently on the back of his neck. There was a sharp intake of breath from Josh, his body going stiff at first. But he slowly gave in to the comfort, body going lax against Chris as he leaned into his warmth, burying his face into the fabric of Chris’ sweater. His hands slowly moved to wrap around Chris’ body, clutching to Chris’ back as if he were afraid if he didn’t hold on tight Chris would disappear.

“I’m not going to give up on you Josh, I’m not going anywhere. You know why? Because I’m fucking terrified of losing _you_.”

It was Chris’ turn to let out a shaky breath, never the type of person who opened up about his feelings.

“When I pulled that lever and watched you get sawed in half like that, even if it was just a prank, when I thought I had lost you....I almost thought about pointing that gun at myself, just so I could forget. Then I pointed it at Ash, cause I honestly, for a brief moment, wondered if she was somehow involved in it all. Cause I knew that I had pulled that lever to save you but it still,” Chris paused, trying to push the graphic images out of his mind. “I was so angry when I found out that it was all just a stupid prank. But when we left you tied up like that, when I found out that you could be dead....fuck!”

Chris held Josh tighter, as if he also needed that same reassurance that Josh was still there, still real. Chris had been haunted by images of Josh being killed, and in every scenario Chris was always the cause of it. Never being able to stop it, never being able to save him. In Josh’s game of letting Chris play hero, he had ultimately given him a twisted hero complex. Now he always felt like he had to be there to protect Josh, that if he didn’t then Josh would truly be taken from him.

“If I hadn’t gotten to you when I did, if I had been just a minute too late....you wouldn’t be here with me right now. So of course I want to stay by your side, because I don’t want anything to happen to you. Growing up together, you were always the one looking out for me, taking care of me. So let me take care of you now Josh, let me help. If you need someone to talk to, I’ll listen. I don’t want you to keep everything bottled up because you’re scared of me leaving you, I’m not going anywhere”

They both just stayed in each others arms for a long moment, the comfort being something they had both desperately needed for a long time now. Chris almost felt nostalgic, remembering back when they were young and Josh used to hug him close to get him to stop crying. Chris cherished those memories, and he was grateful for all that Josh had done for him. But now it was Josh’s turn to be helped, to be taken care of, and Chris was willing to do that for him.

“You’re the fucking worst, you know that?” Josh spoke sarcastically, his words muffled by Chris’ sweater.

“I’m pretty great, I know,” Chris teased fondly in return.

Josh slowly stepped back from the embrace first, reaching his hands up to wipe at his face as he let out a deep sigh.He slowly shook his head, before his lips twitched up into a stupid grin, chuckling softly. It was like this huge wave of relief had washed over him, and Josh couldn’t believe that he was so ridiculously attached to such an idiot. He slowly reached down and grabbed Chris’ glasses, placing them back on his face and glad that he hadn’t broken them.

“Thank you, for everything really. I’ll try harder to get better, I promise. I hate all of this therapy, the medication, this goddamn tracking device strapped to my leg and a lot of other shit in my life, but,” Josh placed a hand on Chris’ shoulder, looking slightly embarrassed, “I don’t want to ruin this.”

“And I’ll be here, whenever you need me to be.” Chris said as he mimicked Josh and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll go grab an ice pack, for your face,” Josh nodded his head towards the door. “Since some asshole went and punched you.”

“I don’t know,” Chris shrugged, a small smile pulling at his lips, “I think he’s alright.”

Josh headed out of his room and down the stairs to the kitchen, while Chris bent down and began to clean up the mess Josh had made last night. He knew Josh would probably protest and tell him not to bother, but Chris had said he’d be here to help him. He just hoped that after today, if Josh was ever feeling this torn up, he would let Chris know about it.

_~_

_'You're going to have to climb back down the rope in order to get the grade, son.'_

_Chris clutched onto the thick rope for dear life, having climbed his way to the top, but then made the mistake of looking down. Now he couldn't move, eyes shut tight as he trembled, hearing the mocking laughter of the other kids below._

_'The rope isn't even that high up, what a baby!'_

_'Once again, Chris chickens out. He really can't do anything, can he?'_

_'He's probably gonna wet his pants!'_

_'Shut up! He's afraid of heights, it's not funny!'_

_There had been tears welling up in Chris's eyes, but they fluttered open as he heard the familiar voice echo throughout the gymnasium._

_'Shut up? Or what Joshua, you'll make me?'_

_There was a loud smacking sound of skin against skin, an then a thud, followed by a unison of 'oooo'. Then Chris heard another smack followed by a thud, then a bunch of grunting as the kids below started chanting._

_'Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!'_

_Chris grew so concerned that he braved looking down, only to see his friend Josh currently with his back on the floor, another boy on top of him as the two fought. He gasped softly, swallowing down his fears as he started to make his way down the rope as quickly and safely as possible. But by the time he'd gotten down there, the gym teacher has split them apart, and Chris noticed that Josh had a large bruise forming over his right eye and a split lip._

_'Both of you, principals office, now!'_

_~Later~_

_'Are you alright? That looks like it hurts....' Chris said with worried look._

_Josh merely shrugged, 'It's fine, it looks worse than it is. It felt good finally punching Tom in his stupid face.'_

_'Thank you, for sticking up for me. You didn't have to,' Chris looked embarrassed, cheeks growing red as he glanced down at the ground._

_'Hey, don't mention it. That's what friends are for, right?' Josh said as he patted Chris' shoulder as a form of comfort._

_Chris looked startled at first, like he still wasn't used to hearing the word 'friend' when it related to himself. But then a smile slowly spread across his face, until he was suddenly beaming at Josh._

_'Yeah....' Chris said softly, moving his hand up nervously to mimic Josh as he placed it on his shoulder, 'that's what friends are for.'_

_Chris then took in a sharp breath as he realized something, pulling his hand back as he removed his backpack from his shoulders. He placed it down on the ground, kneeling down and digging through it until he found his lunch box. He opened it, and removed a small ice pack, before placing the lunch box back in his bag and putting his backpack back on._

_'Here,' he held it out for Josh to take, 'It's not that cold anymore but, it should help with your eye...I think.'_

_Josh took the ice pack from Chris, staring at it for a moment before he lifted it up to his eye. He hissed out in pain at the initial contact, but then the small cooling sensation did help alleviate the pain._

_'Thanks bro,' Josh said as he slung an arm around Chris' neck, starting to walk off of the school grounds as they both headed home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two boys will be the end of me, I can feel it in my bones. I was thinking a lot about the difference between young Chris and Josh to how they are now in my fic so I couldn't help myself with that flashback at the end.
> 
> Also I'm happy that people are so eager for me to update with new chapters, but please understand if some of them take me awhile. I've had the past few days off work so I've been lucky , but if I have work or plans then some chapters may take me awhile. And as a reminder if anyone wants to throw suggestions my way for things to add in future chapters/things you'd like to see don't be afraid to let me know :) I love hearing other peoples ideas!


	5. Improvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh attends a therapy session and also gets a visit from Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took me awhile to get out, I'm really sorry about that. I had taken a break on the weekend, then worked two days, then got myself Until Dawn and was playing it through so I apologize! Hopefully ppl aren't too upset with me haha.
> 
> Also I happened to mention Josh being in school in passing in a previous chapter, but I've edited it out after gaining the knowledge that he is a drop out plus it suits the story more anyway. (I hope no one minds I fucked up)
> 
> Thanks to my waifu Krys for the Beta!

“Is there anyone in your life right now that you feel safe around, Joshua?”

“...Yes,” Josh said softly as he lay on the chaise lounge, mapping out shapes and figures with the small specks of the ceiling.

“Do you also feel comfortable speaking with this person about what’s troubling you?”

There was a sharp intake of breath then, Josh’s body tensing up from the once relaxed position. His mind traced back to a few days ago, vivid images of how angry he had gotten, how he had hit Chris. He hadn’t wanted to, he had only done so in hopes of Chris leaving him alone. He didn’t want him to know about all of his demons, what twisted truths lay within him. Even when Chris had opened himself up to Josh, and said he would be there for him, Josh was still scared. He had confided with Sam in the past, as he had felt the same way back then, not wanting to trouble Chris with his problems. But now Sam was distant, even when she had once been so supportive, so who’s to say that Chris wouldn’t do the same?

“You can’t talk to him,” Josh said as he suddenly sat up, looking at his therapist with worry.

Dr. Niles stared at him for a long, silent moment, before jotting something down within his notebook.Josh hated these moments, never knowing what the man could be writing down.

“We have a doctor/patient confidentiality, remember? But, may I ask, who is this person to you?”

Josh’s lips parted as if he were going to answer, before he exhaled slowly, confusion painting his features. The word ‘friend’ almost felt foreign to him now, on top of that it seemed ill-fitting for someone as important as Chris. They had been best friends since the third grade, but after all that had happened, something was different now. Every day after Chris got out of college and came by to visit, Josh felt a warmth spread through him. Like just seeing that bright smile could wash away all the anxiety that built inside Josh every morning.

“Important, is he? Are you still with me, Joshua?”

Josh snapped back to reality, unaware he had been muttering soft words of how he felt about Chris beneath his breath. What exactly had he said? How did Dr. Niles know Chris was important? He felt angry now, not wanting him to be writing things about Chris within his notebook.

“He’s not a part of this!” Josh’s voice came out defensively, fingers gripping into the foam material of the lounge.

“It’s clear that he is a part of this, Joshua, a very large part it seems. Perhaps he is the reason you’ve been lashing out lately? Maybe you should-”

Josh stood up then, striding across the room quickly as he ripped the older mans notebook from his hands. He tore out the last page he had been writing, ripping it up without even reading what it had said first. He then tossed the book back onto the desk, Dr Niles staring up at him with a shocked expression.

“If you want to talk, it has to be about me…only me…” Josh breathed out, eye lids fluttering quickly as if he were trying to re-focus. “Chris is…Chris is a good person. He was there for me, he helped me…that’s all you need to know.”

“Alright, I understand,” Dr. Niles spoke in a calm voice, looking up at Josh, “but you shouldn’t be taking other peoples things and destroying them like this if you’re angry.” He picked up his book to emphasize his point, before putting it away within a drawer in an effort to put Josh at ease. “ I hope you know it’s dangerous to bottle up your feelings Joshua. Hiding the truth from someone so dear to you, will only end up hurting them, I want you to realize this.“

The session hadn’t lasted much longer after that, and now Josh was back at home, laying on his bed as he thought about things. He didn’t want to hurt Chris, but remembering back to a few days ago and how Chris had looked so torn up over the thought of losing him, how much he had wanted to help. It was clear that if he didn’t start letting Chris know what he was dealing with, it would ultimately hurt him, and Josh didn’t want that.

Josh suddenly heard the front door open. Glancing down at his phone, he noticed the time. His eyes lit up, a smile ghosting across his lips as he realized it must be Chris.This was good, Josh could finally start opening up to him and then he would stop being so disappointing. He didn’t want to be a coward anymore, and he trusted Chris enough to know he wouldn’t walk out on him.

"Knock knock!”

Josh looked up from his phone, a look of confusion and disappointment on his face as he saw not Chris, but Sam standing in his doorway.

“Why are you here?”

“Aw thanks, I’m happy to see you too,” Sam teased, noticing the look that Josh was giving her.

“Sorry, I was expecting Chris to be here,” he explained, noting that he didn’t hear anyone else following up the stairs. “Is he alright?”

“Well, maybe if you check your phone once in a while, you’d know that he’s fine. He had to do an assignment with Ashley today, so I thought I’d stop by.”

Josh felt something twist unpleasantly within his stomach, the only thing he had gotten out of Sam’s words was that Chris was alone with Ashley. He worried that she would still be interested in Chris romantically, but Chris didn’t need that right now. Josh still remembered how exhausted Chris had looked for the next couple weeks after the events on the mountain. He remembered how Ashley had spoken to him after they thought he was dead, how she had pushed his limits. Then, of course, there was how she had acted in the Safe Room.

~

_'We’re still in danger as long as he’s here!’_

_'Ashley, stop it. Josh didn’t kill anyone, he’s just…he needs help,’ Chris’ voice was heavy with exhaustion, as he sat on the edge of counter, Josh pressed against his side._

_'That doesn’t mean he won’t now! Maybe he knew about all of this! Maybe this is just another one of his games and he’s toying with us!’_

_Josh was whispering too quietly for anyone to hear under his breath, his body rocking slightly as he held his head between his hands. His face held a pained expression, finger nails scraping against his scalp as he tried to push out all the voices._

_'Ashley, that’s enough!’ Chris shouted out, irritated and sore, just wanting the night to be over. 'Josh isn’t leaving this room, we’re all on edge, so please just…just shut up.’_

_'I’m sorry…so sorry please…I’ll listen…I’ll do better! Just dont hit me…please d-don’t…I’m…’_

_Josh’s voice cracked as the words came out, trembling with fear and clearly still not completely in the room with them. Ashley backed off slightly, wrapping her arms around herself as she felt guilt run through her. Chris’ gaze moved from Ashley to Josh, his expression going soft as he lifted his arm up and placed it gently on Josh’s shoulder._

_'It’s okay Josh…you’re okay…we’ll be home soon.’_

_Chris’ voice seemed to calm him, even if only slightly. He pressed further into Chris’ side, his eyes falling shut as Chris’ arm wrapped around him._

~

Josh couldn’t remember everything that had happened then, having faded in and out of consciousness. But he did know that Ashley had protested him being there, and Chris had stayed at his side. He wasn’t upset with Ashley over how she acted about him, but for what she had put Chris through. Of course that made him a hypocrite, cause he had also put Chris through far too much that night.

“Helloooo, earth to Josh? Are you still with me?"

Sam’s voice was playful, but as Josh looked at her he could see she was concerned.

"Yeah….yeah, sorry. I had an appointment today and I guess I forgot to check my messages. Thanks for coming by,” he said with a soft smile.

Sam didn’t come by often, but it was clear she was trying her best. He assumed that being around him brought up foul memories, and it probably was hard for her. He appreciated her coming by even if only to check on him, as he probably didn’t even deserve that much of her time. He looked down to his phone again and opened up his messages, as Sam moved across the room and took a seat in his computer chair. He clicked on Chris’ name and let their message history open, surprised to see that Chris’ text went up past the top of the screen.

_'Hey bro, so sorry but I can’t come by today. Ashley is getting super pissed about our project since I’ve kind of been blowin’ her off all week. You know how she is when she gets angry, I don’t want to push my luck. So I gotta spend tonight with her to work on it, but I promise I’ll make it up to you! I got no plans all weekend so I’m thinking we have a movie night and I stay over. I don’t know if that’s against your rules or anything like that…it’s just a idea. But if that’s totally lame we could do something else too, whatever you want! Let me know :))))))’_

Josh laughed softly by the time he finished reading the wall of text, shaking his head at how ridiculous his best friend was. Chris could have just shot him a short text explaining that he had to work on a project, but instead he sent this. He must have been worried about upsetting him, which was ridiculous and yet Josh found it endearing.

“You two are so cute,” Sam said as a small grin tugged at the corner of her lips.

Josh looked over to her, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment, “What are you talking about?”

“Your whole face lit up when you read that text, Chris would breathe easier if he knew about it.”

“It did not, he just…he sent me something funny, that’s all,” Josh explained lamely.

“Uh-huh, suuuure. You should have seen Chris though, he was so worried. He acted like he was breaking up with a girlfriend or something, he really didn’t want to send that text.”

Josh pictured a concerned Chris fretting over just how exactly to properly word his message, as to not upset him. He always had trouble with explaining things, and he fretted too much thinking about future outcomes. Josh looked back to his phone so he could type out a reply, knowing Chris probably didn’t need one but feeling guilty for not having responded sooner.

“I’m really glad that you look…happier, Josh.”

Josh looked back to Sam again, seeing that she was wearing a more serious expression.

“Both you and Chris, I know it was hard on all of us but…whenever I came by to see you and you were so…unresponsive, I just felt so horrible. I wish I had done more in the past, I wish I had been there to help you.”

Josh stayed silent, unsure of how to address the issue. He didn’t blame Sam for not being able to help him, he hadn’t given her the chance.

“Then at school Chris was always so tired and anxious, the only time I ever saw energy in him was when he would leave to go and see you. But he’s been a lot better lately, I think it was good that you two stayed close, through everything.”

“Sam, you don’t have anything to feel sorry for, so don’t be. The fact that you’re still here now is amazing, you should get an olympic gold medal for putting up with me,” Josh gave Sam a small smile.

“Well, maybe a silver medal, I think Chris gets the gold,” she teased, though the smile on her face was sympathetic. “So what do you and Chris do for fun around here anyway?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some ppl might be upset at the lack of Chris/Josh this chapter, and next....but I really wanted to showcase that while Sam isn't around as often as she used to be, she's still there and she does still care about Josh. (I'm sorry Ashley you're still only represented negatively this chapter but next chapter I swear I'll redeem you lmao)
> 
> The next chapter I plan to have focus on Chris with Ashley, and his stressing out when Josh goes so long without replying lol. Poor boy.


	6. Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris tries to focus on his assignment with Ashley, but is preoccupied worrying about Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's supposed to be a lot of work this week and next week, so Idk how much I'll be able to update. But Chap. 7 is already like halfway done so that at least should be up at some point :) 
> 
> Beta by Krys

Chris was frantic.

He was looking down at his phone for probably the twenty-eighth time that day since sending his text to Josh. He had started growing concerned after thirty minutes had passed, but reassured himself that Josh could just be busy and forgetting to check his phone. But then an hour went by, and another hour, to the point where Chris wondered if he should call Josh to make sure he was alright. He knew this was a bad habit with Josh, known to forget to check his messages. But lately he had always given quick responses, and while Chris knew he was probably just being paranoid, there was good reason for him to worry.

He could still remember that night, the night Josh never responded, the night he ended up in the hospital. They had made plans to hang out together, and when he texted for a confirmation time Josh hadn't responded. Because it wasn't too out of the usual, Chris assumed Josh was just blowing him off like he did on occasion. But then Beth had called him, her sobs making it difficult to get the words out for Chris to hear what had happened. All he had to hear her say was Josh's name, and he took his bike and headed to the hospital despite how late it had been. Ever since that night it was hard for Chris not to feel anxious when Josh took so long to respond, but Sam was going to see him so she would tell him if something had happened, right?

"If you would stop checking your phone every five minutes, maybe we'd be done by now, Chris."

Chris lifted his gaze from his phone, glancing across the table at Ashley who wore an irritated expression. He let out a soft, apologetic sigh.

"I'm sorry, Ash, Josh hasn't answered me yet and I'm...I'm worried about him."  
Ashley looked sympathetic then, "It's fine, I get that you're worried. But don't you think it's better just to call him and find out rather than stressing yourself out like this?"

She had a point, the logical response would be to call Josh. But Chris continued to tell himself that maybe he would just be interrupting something, that he would annoy him. Not to mention Sam might already be over there, and it had been a while since Josh had seen her. He knew that Josh and Sam had been close before, and he always assumed he had a thing for her. Not that Josh needed a relationship right now, but it didn't mean that he might not try to have one. The thought bothered Chris, which he assumed was only due to Josh's mental state and feeling like he wasn't ready to handle it.

"No, I don't want to bother him. I'll just see if Sam's there yet," he typed out a quick message to Sam before he finally slipped his phone into his sweater pocket.

Ashley stared at him curiously for a long moment, as if trying to figure out exactly what Chris was thinking.

"Are you alright, Chris?"

The question had come suddenly, catching Chris off-guard as he gave Ashley a confused look.

"Alright?"

"Yeah, I mean, you spend almost all of your time with Josh and when you aren't with Josh you're worrying about him, it must be exhausting. I know you're trying to help him, but you should be careful about your own health too."

"Hey, I'm totally fine. I mean, look at me," Chris gave a playful wink as a small grin tugged at his lips.

"Chris, come on! I'm being serious here. You can't just let Josh's problems consume you, you won't be any good to him if you push yourself too hard."

"Ashley, stop. Seriously, I'm fine. Most of my time spent with Josh is just hanging out, braiding each others hair and talking about boys."

Ashley snorted softly then, "honestly, that wouldn't surprise me."

"Wait, what?" Chris said, caught off guard by Ashley going along with his joke.

"You know, you and Josh. You do hang out an awful lot after all, even Sam said you two were a match made in heaven."

"It's not...we're not like that," Chris scoffed ridiculously, glancing away from Ashley's gaze. "He's my bro, and I want to be there for him. We aren't..."

Chris felt tongue tied, unsure of how to argue and the subject making him embarrassed. There had been a time, long ago, where Chris had questioned an attraction to Josh. But eventually he had shoved it off as merely a young, hormonal curiosity. He hadn't really thought much more of it since then, and now was not the time to be bringing it up.

"Oh my god, your face is totally red! Chris, I was just joking, I thought out of all people you would know that." Ashley chuckled softly, amused at Chris' response until she wondered, "wait, do you really like...I mean-"

"Oh no, the secret is out! You're a modern day Sherlock Holmes, Ash," Chris faked surprise, before he rolled his eyes and chuckled. "No, I am not in a relationship with Josh. The last thing he needs right now is a relationship with anyone. N-not that I'm saying we would be if he wasn't...cause we wouldn't."

Chris was starting to confuse himself now with what he was saying, not even convinced by his own words. Why did he have to get flustered so easily at the mention of relationships?

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure. Plus you're cute when you're flustered," she said with a small, flirtatious smile.

Chris suddenly felt a buzzing in his pocket, moving his hand in and fumbling around until he grabbed his phone. He pulled it up closer to his face, unlocking it and clicking his messages icon to see that Josh had finally responded.

_'Sorry this took so long bro, when I saw your text I just got so upset I cried myself to sleep );'_

_'I'm just Joshing ya. Movies sound good, you bring the snacks I'll order the ‘za. But for this heartbreaking betrayal I expect a nice massage and breakfast made for me come morning. Then I might forgive you.'_

_'Don't enjoy yourself too much without me'_

A smile spread across Chris' face, relief washing over him as he was finally put at ease about Josh's state of well being. Of course, Chris wasn't aware of the amount of insecurity behind that last text. It was a genuine fear of Josh's that he would find himself enjoying his time spent with Ashley more. It wasn't like Chris didn't enjoy his time with Ashley, but comparing it to his time with Josh was like talking about two completely different things. He did feel regret for having spent more time with her before the events on the mountain. When Josh had started pushing him away, instead of stopping him and trying to figure out what was wrong, he just gave in and gave him space. He should have tried harder to help, he shouldn't have let Josh struggle on his own for so long. Which is why he was now making up for it, he wouldn't let Josh down anymore.

"I'm just gonna take a wild guess and assume he finally replied, I knew you were worrying over nothing. Now could we please get back to the assignment?"

_'If you want me to make breakfast, it's your funeral, buddy :)'_

_'I'll try not to have too much fun while this assignment sucks the life from my body, but it's gonna be hard. Have fun hanging out with Sam ;)'_

For some reason Chris felt awkward with his reply, like the winky faced emoji was taunting him, betraying him. Why did the idea of Sam and Josh getting close again bother him so much? It wasn't his business if Josh wanted to attempt a relationship despite his current state. He put his phone back into rest mode, shoving it back into his sweater pocket before he could think too hard on it.

"Alright, you have my full attention now, promise. Though I can't promise I won't pass out from pure boredom."

Ashley sighed softly, picking up the book in front of her as she stood up from her seat. She moved around the table and took the empty chair next to Chris, shimmying it over until they were just barely touching.It was no secret to anyone that Ashley's feelings hadn't dissolved as Chris' had, well no secret to anyone except Chris. He was rather clueless about such things after all, and was under the assumption that Ashley no longer harbored any romantic feeling for him. But after Chris had done so much for her, she just couldn't let those feelings go.

"Well, I'll just have to make sure you stay interested. Now, pay attention," she said as she playfully elbowed Chris' side. "I want you to write on this section here," she said as she pointed down at the book that had certain sections marked and highlighted, "and make it more, I don't know, more you."

Chris' eyebrows rose, "more me? I thought you said you wanted a passing grade on this."

"Okay, well not completely you, but it needs to grab more attention. We don't want it to turn out boring like it is right now, it's not enough to just make everything accurate and understandable. It needs more personality, and you're good at that."

"Not sure if that's a compliment, but I'll take it."

Chris stretched his arms above his head, arching his back slightly as he worked out all the kinks in his body from sitting so long. He gave a soft exhale of satisfaction, before he opened up his laptop and signed himself in. He opened up Microsoft Word, pulling the text book closer to himself before he felt like he was being watched. He glanced over and ended up locking eyes with Ashley, before she looked away and back down at her own work quickly.

"What, is it really that amazing that I'm actually getting work done that you were in awe? Maybe you should film it and we could make this a documentary," he teased with a grin.

"Yeah, you know. I just see it so rarely I had to remember this moment," as she said this she hoped that the uneasiness in her voice wasn't noticeable.

For once though, Chris seemed to notice something. But he decided not to dwell on it now, no point in trying to make anything awkward when he needed to focus on their assignment. He hoped Ashley wasn't still hung up on him, because he just wanted them to be good friends again. Maybe he would ask Josh about it, he did have good advice, on most occasions. Then again, there was also the possibility he'd say something like, 'just let her suck your dick and be done with it, bro.' For now, Chris kept himself focused on his work so that his weekend would be free. Because Chris didn't want to have to bail on Josh again, and he was looking forward to their movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the lack of actual Chris/Josh interaction this chapter. I promise I will make up for it in chapter 7 ;)


	7. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After almost a week apart Josh and Chris have their planned movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took awhile, I happened to get pretty sick for a couple of days and just needed to rest. 
> 
> Beta by Krys :)

“So, how have the past few days been working on that assignment with Ashley?”

Josh asked the question with a mouth full of popcorn, his gaze shifting from the movie to Chris. They were currently in his room, sitting next to each other on his bed with the lights out. He couldn’t help but ask, as he hadn’t been able to see Chris for the past few days and he was curious what he had been doing. He wasn’t really up-to-date on how things were between Chris and Ashley, but Chris rarely talked about her around him so he hoped that meant they weren’t going to try dating still. He had pushed so hard for him to pursue it in the past, but that had mostly been because Chris seemed so happy when he talked about her. Every time he did so he felt like he had been betraying a part of himself, jealous of the two becoming so close while he became more of a third wheel. If Chris still wanted to be with her now, after everything, could he really encourage him like he had in the past?

“If I have to read one more word out of that textbook I might just-” Chris paused, looking uncomfortable for a moment, “It was…it was just the worst. I think my hand is still cramped, and I might have made my eye sight even worse.”

Chris was being overly dramatic about it all, but that was nothing new to Josh. Nowadays he mostly did it jokingly, but he knew how paranoid Chris got over the smallest things. But Josh noticed how Chris had suddenly stopped his train of thought, and it was very obvious as to why. While they both still watched horror movies and could play games involving gore without much of a problem, both of them refrained from making any jokes about anything even close to the incidents on the mountain.

“I got it, the assignment was dull as hell. You only texted me about eighty times about how bored you were. I meant how were things with Ashley, it’s been awhile since you two hung out, right?”

“Oh,” Chris shrugged slightly, “they were fine, she’s doing alright I think. She asked about how you were doing-”

Josh cut Chris off with a scoff, Chris finally looking over to see the angry look in Josh’s eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s real concerned. Not like she almost got me killed, _twice_.”

“Josh…” Chris started, his lips turning down into a frown as his gaze softened, “you know that she feels guilty. She was just scared, everyone was, and that doesn’t excuse how she acted but she really feels terrible.”

“Well she should, she knew what was out there and she still…she wanted to…” Josh trailed off, trembling now as he thought about how easily someone he had considered a friend wanted to throw him away.

Chris quickly moved his hands up to place them on Josh’s shoulders, turning to face him fully now.

“Hey, Josh listen to me, no one is going to hurt you, she made mistakes because she was scared and she regrets them. You’re allowed to be upset with her, hell I’m still not over it. But she really is worried about you, she doesn’t want to hurt you.”

Josh suddenly fell forward, pressing his face into Chris’ chest as he wrapped his arms around him, causing Chris to fall back on his elbows. Josh was now practically lying on top of him, as Chris looked down at him with a mixture of confusion and worry.

“Are you gonna go out with her still?”

Josh’s voice was soft, so soft it barely registered to Chris at first. Josh couldn’t help his insecurities from getting the best of him, and the question had sort of just slipped out. It was something that had been eating away at him, waiting to see if Chris would ever come over and announce that Ashley was finally his girlfriend.

“What? Josh, that’s not-” He sighed softly, “no, I’m not going to date Ashley. Have you been worried about that? What, you don’t like the idea of sharing me?”

“No, I don’t.”

Chris had only been teasing, but Josh’s response had been very serious. He could feel Josh’s fingers curl into the back of his shirt a little tighter, and he realized that while the situation sounded ridiculous it was a very real problem for Josh.

“Well, you won’t have to. I’m not dating Ash, I honestly don’t know if I ever really wanted to date her. But you were being so insistent and I did like being around her so I just…well I guess I figured, why not? I’m sorry I got so distant before and spent more time with Ashley, I should have tried harder to figure out what was going on with you. But I’m here now, alright?”

Chris moved a hand down to rest on Josh’s back, hoping he could reassure him that he wasn’t about to up and take off for a girl. Chris wasn’t currently interested in dating anyone anyway, and sex had never been a huge deal to him. He had never admitted that out loud, since all the guys would clearly poke fun at him. But he never understood why it seemed to be so important to guys, even porn mostly just made him laugh. He’d much rather just hang out with his friends, or spend his time on the internet blogging or watching stupid YouTube videos.

“You aren’t going to date Ashley?” Josh asked as he slowly lifted his head, still looking weary.

“No, I’m not. I like her enough to spend time with her, sure. But I don’t want a relationship, and I wouldn’t want to date somebody who you wouldn’t feel comfortable around anyway. Your opinion is important to me, bro.”

Chris flashed Josh a smile and patted his back gently, as Josh stared back looking slightly stunned.

“My opinion is important? Are you saying I’m invited to future three ways? I’m touched, bro."

Chris chuckled softly, "come on, man, I thought we were having a moment. I’m saying that now we’re kind of a packaged deal. If they don’t like you, or you don’t like them, then they’re out. So you don’t have to worry about it anymore, alright?”

Josh stared up at Chris for a long moment, genuinely touched that Chris would go so far to keep him happy. Though he wasn’t sure how long Chris would stay true to those words. If the perfect girl came by and Chris really liked her, would it really be worth it to give it up if Josh wasn’t fond of her? But Chris had good intentions, and Josh felt a pleasant warmth inside himself.

“Wow, you’re really going to be a virgin forever,” Josh teased with a grin, as he doubted that anyone else would ever like or put up with him.

“Whatever, man. If they don’t want to spend all day hanging out in your bedroom with me, they are missing out,” Chris joked.

Josh then pushed himself up slowly, so that he was now hovering over Chris, his hands pressed into the mattress on each side of his torso. His knees slid up, one next to his right thigh and the other between Chris’ legs. He had a mischievous look on his face, and Chris felt nervous though he couldn’t pin point why exactly. Perhaps it was because that was the look Josh gave whenever he had a bad idea.

“Maybe we can just kill two birds with one stone,” Josh said in a low tone, one of his hands re-positioning to be placed next to Chris’ head.

“Dude, what are you even talking about?” Chris’ heart rate had picked up slightly, the movie in the background was just white noise at this point.

“You and me, bro. If we date then all of those problems are solved. Plus, I can guarantee I wouldn’t disappoint you in bed.”

Chris felt his breath catch in his throat, eyes getting wider as he felt a strange, fluttering sensation in the pit of his stomach. Josh was slowly leaning in closer, to the point where he could feel his breath against his cheek. The look on Josh’s face was completely unreadable for Chris, and it was nerve wracking not knowing what kind of angle Josh was playing at.

“C-come on, man, this isn’t funny,” Chris could feel his face heating up as he spoke.

“It’s not supposed to be funny, Christopher.”

Chris was only used to hearing his full name from Josh when he was angry or annoyed with him. But the way he was saying it now, just barely a whisper and dripping with sexual intent, caused Chris to inhale sharply. He felt like he must have passed out midway through the movie and this was some really fucked up dream he was having. But the worst part about it was that his body was reacting. He felt anxious, but at the same time eager, like part of him wanted this to actually be happening. As Josh moved in closer, their lips just a breath from touching, Chris’ eyes fluttered shut.

“Holy shit, how are you ever gonna impress a girl if you can’t even handle me?”

Chris’ eyes flew open to look up at Josh, who had now pulled back and had a stupidly smug grin plastered on his face. It had been a joke, and Chris had fell for it. For a brief moment, he had actually thought that maybe Josh had an attraction to him. He had even felt a bit of excitement at the thought of their lips touching, and he was embarrassed with himself for falling for it like an idiot.

“What the hell, man? You freaked me out, I thought you were serious!”

“That was the point. The look on your face though, I wish I was recording that. I almost thought you had a thing for me.”

“Y-yeah, in your dreams, maybe."

Chris pushed at Josh’s shoulder, but Josh didn’t bother to get off of him. Instead he lay right back down, resting his head on Chris’ stomach as his eyes were now back on the TV. Josh could hear and feel how quickly Chris’ heart was beating, and he felt a swell of pride run through him. He had been the one to get Chris so worked up, Chris actually seemed like he had been ready for that kiss. Josh didn’t show it, but there was a overwhelming amount of new emotions running through him. He had just wanted to see how Chris would react, but now he felt so disappointed that he hadn’t gone through with it. Did he want to kiss Chris? Was this strange tension between them lately because he wanted to be even closer to him?

"I know that I’ve let myself go a bit, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to be your new body pillow.”

“I’m using you as a body pillow because you aren’t going to do anything to stop me.”

Chris narrowed his eyes slightly even though Josh wasn’t looking, and gave a sigh of defeat, resting his head back against the pillows. Even when he got back to watching the movie, he felt too distracted to truly pay attention. Josh’s warmth surrounding him, the feel of his movement with every breath. Not to mention the events that had just happened moments before, Chris’ mind was an absolute mess. It was clear now, more than ever, that his feelings towards Josh were very real and had never gone anywhere. He had never felt this way around another person, and his lack of interest in dating seemed to make more sense now. Spending his time with Josh was more valuable because he was only ever interested in being with him from the start. But the fact still stood that nothing would ever come of this, because Josh had only been joking around with him.

After a short while Josh had fallen asleep on him like that, Chris knowing he’d probably be sore in the morning because of it. But he didn’t have the nerve to push him off and risk waking him, especially when he looked so peaceful. Chris moved his arm slowly and carefully, reaching for his phone and bringing it closer. He held it up above them and snapped a quick shot, grateful that Josh didn’t wake up from the flash. It was merely his payback, in case Josh ever felt like telling anyone about how he had fooled him earlier. The fact that he also may just find the picture absolutely adorable was besides the point. He placed his phone back on the bedside table, along with his glasses, before he relaxed back down against the pillows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this chapter haha. I thought I would make up for their lack of interaction the last two chapters, though Im sorry for being a tease. 
> 
> I'd also just like to give a big thank you to everyone who keeps supporting my fic and enjoys reading it whenever I update! I'm definitely not as good as a lot of the other writers in this fandom, but I am happy knowing that anyone else enjoys reading the stuff I write. Thank you so much <3


End file.
